a few weeks ago, i had this really scary dream. it was about my closest loved one, my mei. anyway, this is what the dream was about... my mei was about to leave for Beijing was some studies, most prob some physiotherapy course. anyway, spore was experiencing some really bad weather and it predicted that an impending hurricane would strike our island really soon. (according to the dream, she would die on the flight to beijing.) but she still decided to go ahead despite the dangers posed. before she left, i just pulled her towards me and embraced her very tightly, refusing to let go. then we started to cry uncontrollably. the tears just spilled over. i cant seem to forget that particular part of my dream. the feeling of losing her seemed so surreal. i felt that i was really going to lose her and the thought of it scares the sh*t out of me. after being so tramautised by this dream, can you imagine what would happen if (touch wood!)one uneventful day, she's taken away from me? i mean having her around me (literally 24/7, 12 months a year) for exactly 18 years, 3 months and 12 days, i've already grown so used to her being around me. but having her so close to me has its own disadvantages too. it took me a very very long time and lotsa effort to accept someone [she shld know this]. maybe i was just being over-protective of her. just like how she took such a tough time to accept mine in the past. funny thing is that it is as though our lives have been fused or interlocked from the beginning. we've never been apart for more than 3 days. (due to camps or chalets) haha. even during the 3 days, i will miss her too. through kindergarden, primary school, seconday school and now, junior college, we've been more than just sisters alone. instead, she has become my friend, friendly competitor, CCA mate, supporter, advisor and even, my bickering partner. i cant tell you how much i appreciate and cherish her. despite always bickering with her over minuscule issues such as how much money she owes me, hey, i still [*ahem] love her k. [dun cringe!] well, i cant envisage the life without her. life seems impossible without her. i shld start cherishing her. so i will start it by declaring YOU, yesh, YOU, the love of my life. wahahaha. i'll not love someone more than i love you. [wahh. goosebumps!!!] hahah. (: 
5 more days... the anxiety for the exams is building up again. it's so overwhelming that i stm find hard to breathe. my heart seems to pumping so quickly and i cant seem to stop it. drats. this anxiety in me bounds to worsen as the exams get nearer. i duno what i am so fearful of. maybe it's the banding. maybe it's the peer pressure. maybe it's my family expectations. or maybe it's my own silly pressure im putting hard on myself. what i know is that this anxiety is waiting silently to consume me. i cant imagine what would become of me when the big As is near. now i can understand why such a significant number of students commit suicide yearly. dun worry, i wont do such a cowardice and foolish act. BUT PLEASE LET THIS ANXIETY PASS QUICKLY!
it's 1.48am and i duno what am i doing online for. hahahah. crazy me~ life is yet again another routine, another cycle that never seems to end. study, eat, sleep, watch tv, surf net, study, sleep... as much as i hate what im doing now, i know i've got no other choice. being a not-so-intelligent girl, i've to work doubly doubly hard to get the grades i aim for. 2 more weeks for hard work, 4 days for perservance. and it'll be over. ((: oyes, im hungry again!!!! hahaha. i've been binging on whatever i have for the past few days. sinful sinful! oki. enough of my crapping, i better finish up my revision before my sis turns off the lights!
im not feeling sad or whatever. but yet, i have this inexplicable feeling that i want to be left alone.   * everything that has a beginning will have an end.
5 interesting facts of myself... 1) i snort! only when i laugh very hard. worse thing is that it normally happens in public. tsktsk! 2) i love hearing toddlers' cries. =X 3) i sleep almost anywhere - even in the toilet! 4) im extremely addicted to very sentimental songs. 5) i love singing oldies infront of my frens. hahah. if u know all of the above, u're my close friend! ((:
the past days have been spent well - studying really hard with some time to relax too! the trip to sungei buloh nature reserve was rewarding. i just love spending time with my family! ((: stm i find myself really dumb and stupid. my papa always tell me in that PCK accent "USE YOUR BRAIN, USE YOUR BRAIN". if that seems hurting enough, today he even mentioned, "How come i was his daughter?" , much to my astonishment. luckily, i can take teasing and jokes quite well. hahah. so i just quietly walked away, with just a lil crack in my heart. =X after nights of self psycho and convincing myself that ... , the sick, dull and empty feeling is gnawing at my heart again. now, i decide to cast aside my fears and live with repercussions. knowing that i will still have to face the cold hard truth, i've decided to cowardly escape from all that now. back to my revision for midyears, i seem to be on the right track. hopefully, i wont be distracted and thrown off my mugging mode! ((: * wo hui hao hao guo. 
weee~ the highlight of this week will be going to sungei buloh nature reserve with my dear family tml! actually im kinda look forward more to sleeping on my pa's cosy cosy car! heez. ((X cant wait to bask in the warm fuzzy sunlight or admire at the scenic waters of the reserve. just hope the mosquitoes stay FAR from me and the dragonflies too. hope it doesnt rain tml! ((:   @ METTA charity carnival ((: * thousand fears. thousand tears.
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